Remember "Song of The Day?" I haven’t done that in a while, have I? Today’s song is "Not Leavin’ Yet" by Nickelback. It doesn’t really make much sense but I really like it. It’s like an abstract painting, but it's a song.
Why is it that abstract artists get famous for painting nonsense? What is "abstract" anyway? By definition, something abstract is something existing in thought or as in idea but not having a physical or concrete existence. Well, if abstract things are all in your head, how do we paint them? Sometimes, I wonder if abstract is a good description for the strange art it labels. Maybe "abstract" is what people classify things as when they just don’t understand them.
Am I abstract? Are my ideas, my problems abstract? Is my life abstract? Those are all things that no one really understands. Maybe I’m more of an abstract person. If you see me walking down the street, I look like just an average, kind of nerdy, quiet girl, most likely well-behaved and good in school. But, that’s where the problem begins. That is stereotyping. I hate stereotypes. On the outside, I fall under all of these stereotypes that I don’t want to fall under. I want people to look at me and wonder what to stereotype me as.
But what am I? What categories do I fall under in the big universe of stereotypes? I have the dorky obsessions of a band geek, the ideas of a writer, the dry lips of a clarinet player, the worn-down fingers of a guitar player, the mind of a teenager, the body of a food-addict, the musical taste of an emo kid, the words of a dreamer, the style of a hipster gone wrong, the laziness of a loser, the mood swings of a psycho, the outdoorsy attitude of a tomboy, the guilty pleasures of a girly-girl, the passion of an advocate, the bitchiness of a hater at times, the mind that always open.
But beside the stereotypes, what am I? Without stereotypes, we wouldn’t be able to classify people by what we know or think they are. Maybe a stereotype is the way that judgmental people stay organized, so they don’t get too confused or something, so they don’t have to use their minds. But, I for one love to use my mind. I try not to judge people using stereotypes. I try to figure them out first. I’m not saying that the stereotypes never cross my mind, because they do. I’m saying that I like to get to know a person instead of not even talking to them because of some judgmental opinion of someone else.
Take my Geometry class for example. The cheerleader who sits on my left isn’t as stupid and bitchy as people think she is. She’s actually nice, random, and a little weird. The preppy freshman girl who sits behind me is anything but the typical stereotype for a preppy girl. She’s loud, outgoing, confident, and down-to-earth. The girl who sits on my right isn’t rude like people think she is. She’s talkative, nice, and always laughs at the things I say. My Geometry class is a perfect example of why I don’t stereotype. If I was a stereotypical person, I probably never would’ve talked to any of those girls.
Even though I’m not a stereotypical person, there are a lot of people out there that I would never waste a minute of my life talking to. If someone is intentionally rude to someone, right to their face, that is the kind of person I never want to associate with.
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I’ve been working on the novel I’m writing a lot lately. So far, it’s forty pages long, single space. I’m in Chapter 4. The story is strange, involving a girl’s difficult, dark, violent life and a touch of the supernatural. I aim to make my stories interesting and out-of-the-ordinary, the kind of thing that would capture someone’s attention until the very last page, not a cliché romance or a vampire story.
You know, I have a very diverse taste in music. Right now, I’m listening to a song by Aly & AJ. Seriously. It’s called "Collapsed." I find it kind of relatable to my whole situation with Jordan, relatable to how I wasted too much time wondering when I should’ve just made him mine at the very beginning. Now, it’s all a mess, collapsed. When I started listening to hardcore music last year, I never thought I would dig out my old Aly & AJ and Miley Cyrus CDs and actually like some of the songs.
I have written seven songs about Jordan. As they pour out, they start to get sadder and sadder. I went from " You make me careless, you make me insane, you make smile instead of feel pain" to "Now we’re drifting apart and I’m watching someone else win that heart; It hurts like the end of the world, it hurts that I’ll never be your girl." What happened? What happened to the happy ending I saw in his eyes, that hope? I would give anything to get that back.
I have a tendency to laugh at myself. Sometimes, when I’m feeling like I’m a little off of my axis, not spinning in the right direction, I turn into a combination of funny randomness and psychotic insanity. When my friends talk to me on Facebook, I send them random, weird messages, all in capital letters, or just things that have nothing to do with anything. They usually just ignore my weirdness or act weird, too. And I’m just sitting there behind my computer screen, laughing like an idiot. It’s just a mood that I get into sometimes. It’s like a replacement for sadness, almost like trying to cheer myself up, or just acting strangely to get my mind off of the things that are threatening to put tears in my eyes.
Speaking of tears, two Thursdays ago, I got home from school and cried. I curled up in a ball on the couch with my music and bawled like a baby. My parents yelled at me, punishing me for "crying over some asshole with a lip ring." And that’s exactly what I was crying over, the way that asshole with a lip ring is obviously falling for someone else. I was crying because I knew, I just knew that I had lost my chance a long time ago, even though I had tried to tell him. I tried! I said the words. I really like you. Why didn’t he understand? Why does he have to be so stupid? I’d bet if Ginny said, "I really like you" he would understand right away. That’s just the kind of luck I have, isn’t it?
Did you know that if you eat sauerkraut, it’s supposed to be good luck? That’s why it’s served with dinner on New Year’s Day. But I don’t like sauerkraut. The smell alone disgusts me to no end. Maybe that’s why I’m so unlucky. But I doubt it. I’m not really a superstitious person. I open my umbrellas indoors, walk under ladders, and I don’t think anything of black cats crossing my path. But, where does bad luck come from? Doesn’t God want to see everyone happy? He’s always gonna come through. I’d like to believe that but, um, when? Why am I talking about this again?
Why is it that my topics of discussion seem to go in circles: life, not understanding life, being misunderstood, Jordan, being unlucky, questioning God, Jordan, writing, dreaming, and back around to the beginning again. I should think of something better to talk about.
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That awkward moment when you’re completely jamming to your favorite song you wrote about the asshole with a lip ring, singing your heart out, and your mom walks in the room. >.>
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I was supposed to get an iPod Touch for Christmas. I don’t have one yet. For some reason, my mom thinks that there is something wrong with purchasing a used iPod, when I don’t feel like spending all of my new money on one thing. Money never sticks around long for me. It’s like I get some money, freak out like "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS COOL GREEN STUFF," and spend it all in a fit of money-infused happiness. I wish that there were no such thing as money. I wish we paid for things with grass or leaves, stuff that actually does grow on trees, so all you had to do was grab a few leaves off of the tree by your house and run to the grocery store for dinner. Wouldn’t life be so much easier? At least I think so, since I have like, five hundred trees around my house.
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The words to the song "Mr. Right" by A Rocket To The Moon confuse me. It’s like when you’re arguing with someone and they say, "I know." Then you say, "I know that you know." Then they say, "I know that you know that I know." Then you say, "I know that you know that I know that you know," and so on. I don’t why this song reminds me of this. He does a lot of referring to himself in the third person. "My girlfriend’s got a boyfriend running to catch the bus to meet, to meet up with her boyfriend’s girlfriend who’s stunning, she’s such a sight to see." Isn’t that confusing? O.o
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For Christmas, I got a lot of clothes. And I also got a hat from Hot Topic that’s shaped like a Hello Kitty head. Does Hello Kitty have some sort of show or something? What is the importance of Hello Kitty, anyway? Does she do anything other than be cute? Does it really matter? I love Hello Kitty anyway, even if she doesn’t do anything with her life. Blood On The Dance Floor has a song called "I <3 Hello Kitty." The song really sucks if you ask me. It has nothing to do with Hello Kitty. It’s about sex.
I don’t understand how people can write stupid, pointless songs about sex or partying. What’s the point? There is absolutely no meaning behind that music. I mean, there’s this band composed of two girls, Millionaires, and all of their music is about drinking, money, sex, haters, and being whores. There is absolutely no talent there, yet they get paid money to "sing" those songs. I honestly don’t understand what’s wrong with people these days.
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"Am I retarded, or am I just overjoyed?" – Green Day
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"I’m taking my time, I’m trying to leave the memories of you behind. I’m gonna be fine, as soon as I get your picture right out of my mind. I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you. I wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to. But every time I call, you don’t have time. I guess I’ll never get to call you mine." – Simple Plan
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-Insert random quote here-
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I just realized I’d rather write serious, meaningful posts than these weird, random ones.
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