Life Is Sweet (Sometimes)

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

I was sitting in the back seat of my mom’s car, scrolling through the songs on my iPod, trying to decide on what to listen to this morning on the way to school. I settled on a sad song and thought abruptly, Wait! What the hell am I doing? It’s Wednesday! I promptly turned on a happy, upbeat song instead. I was still instinctively expecting a bad day in the back of mind. (Who could blame me?) But I told myself that if life wanted to throw more bullshit at me, put up more brick walls for me to run into, today I would have a shield and a bulldozer. Also known as hope and a smile.

On the way to school, I realized that I should’ve been following my weird theory all week, because for some reason, it seems to work a little. But it’s not too late yet. We’re only halfway through this week!

I was sitting in the cafeteria like I do every morning, eating my cinnamon roll and expecting his arrival. I heard his voice behind me and nonchalantly swiveled around my seat, acting like my stomach didn’t just do a little flip-flop and my heart wasn’t fluttering around like a butterfly, eager to break lose and join the others just below. Wouldn’t that kill me? Then could I honestly say I died trying to win this boy’s heart?

"Wait, isn’t today Wednesday?" he asked. I gazed up at him and thought to myself, You tell me. Is it?

"Yeah. But we don’t have Guitar Club," I answered. The short half-hour before class every Wednesday when clubs have their meetings had been cancelled. Jordan was obviously disappointed. (Does it sound sick that I found that oddly pleasing?)

I talked to him the way the way the magazines and shit say I should, jokingly insulting him, stealing glances and looking away, even playing with my hair, my voice almost as sugary sweet as the cinnamon roll I was eating. I was on the brink of miserable, but everything seems a little sweeter when Jordan is around.

Watching him, I remembered why I had started falling the second I saw him. He's perfect in his imperfections. Perfect because he isn't. I love the way he shakes his head back and forth quickly like a dog shaking it’s wet fur, which leaves his hair a long, feathery mess. I love his eyes, big and hazel, so full of something I can't put a label on. I love the soft curve of his half smile, the little silver ring wrapped around his bottom lip, the way I sometimes watch him talk and want to kiss him. I love that baggy sweatshirt he wears with the skulls on it, the one I just want to wrap myself up in. I love his voice, his sense of humor, his talent, his idiosyncrasies, his hands, his tall, skinny body, his black plastic rim glasses, his everything.

I keep giving up, backing away when I see that someone else has his attention instead. I need to stay true to my intentions. How could I lose this time? After a while, life should kind of owe me. I have never, ever wanted to go out with a guy so much in my life. It’s not like Light. It’s not like Grey. It’s not far away, unattainable. It’s just out of my reach at the end of the branch, and I just haven’t gone far enough out on the limb yet. I’ve waited long enough. I need to make him mine before someone else does.

In other news, my Wednesday was just a typical Wednesday.

I got to play in the school pool with my friends in gym class, throwing around a football and acting like thrilled little kids on the playground at recess.

I downloaded one of those adorable sixties songs, "Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke. I just love old music like that. It just makes you want to twirl around with the boy of your dreams in a circle skirt. (Or perhaps that's just me?)

I was walking down an empty hallway with my eyes on the floor tiles when my Geometry teacher was coming the other way. She simply said, "Smile." I thought to myself, Why not?

I won a bingo game in my History class and got an almond granola bar. Um, if you think that's not important, just refer to my use of the word "almond" and think again.

Floyd gave me his strawberries at lunch. (Who is Floyd? Maybe I'll mention him another time)

I drank sour lemon stuff that was half slushy, half punch in my Child Care class that I spiked with way too much sugar.

It was all sweet things today, wasn’t it? Sweet songs, sweetened punch, sweet strawberries, sweet moments with the adorable boy, sweet almond granola bar things, sweet suggestions from my Geometry teacher, that sweet feeling of jumping into warm water off of a diving board.

Enjoy your Wednesday. Let’s hope that you will tomorrow, too, because tomorrow is Wednesday, is it not?

I just read over this post and realized how weird all of this sounds. I sound crazy, don't I?

But hey. I haven’t gone off the deep end. I dove right in.