Today is a Monday, and I have feeling that is all it is.
I walked into the school this morning expecting only a Monday. I sat down at my usual cafeteria table for breakfast and made sure the empty seat to my left stayed empty for Jordan.
I left for the bathroom so I could tie up my unruly hair and make myself look presentable. Does he ever even notice? I walked into the darkened restroom, no longer surprised or impressed when the motion-sensor lights flickered on. I personally don’t like those ultra-bright fluorescent lights they have in the school restrooms. I hate the way they make you look pale and flawed. They bring out the worst parts of your exterior and magnify them. The pimples on your face seem more noticeable. You look a little fatter in those jeans than you did at home.
I prefer seeing my reflection on darker surfaces, like a microwave door or a car window. Or in a more shadowy place, lit by table lamps rather than ceiling lights. What version of my reflection does the rest of the world see?
As I ventured deeper into the room, making my way toward my usual stall, the big one with the window, sink, and mirror, the temperature rose. The air was hot and damp, and it seemed to rise up from the freshly cleaned floor and wrap itself around my legs like a blood pressure test. It was suffocating, in a way.
As I left the room a few minutes later, I felt the humidity release my legs and I was free. Well, not exactly free, per se. I was on my way back to the Monday that stretched before me like an ocean, the end lost somewhere over the horizon. I kind of wished that heavy morning bathroom air had held on to my legs and kept me there. Even though I would be stuck there until the open window swept away that air, I would have an excuse to escape yet another predictable morning.
But I was already halfway back to the cafeteria, my legs free and moving in slow, lazy strides. So, I yanked open the door and bought my breakfast. I sat down next to Alexandria and my empty chair, and I waited patiently. I happened to look over my shoulder as I was talking to Alexandria and caught sight of that baggy sweatshirt with the huge skull print but I didn’t bother to wave hello or try to meet his gaze. Every day, I happen to turn around when he arrives. But I always keep my eyes on my cinnamon roll and little blue carton of milk instead of risking him seeing me watch him walk into the room. I remember the times when I would walk into a room and he would watch me, his chin in his hand and his eyes wide and unreadable. Or when he would greet me with a slight smile, sometimes a wave here and there. Is it just me, or did those moments kind of die off a bit?
Seconds later, his black binder full of unfinished assignments slams down on the table next to me. Yep. Jordan’s here. My friend Rosetta’s eyes widened and she flinched in surprise at the loud, seemingly angry slam, but I was used to it. It was just one of those little things that he did, those things that had "Jordan" just written all over them. I can't decide if I love or hate them.
Anyway, after a few minutes of talking about his homework assignments that he didn’t do (surprise!), Ginny arrived with Cassidy and Leslie. Leslie went up to the front of the cafeteria to get her usual breakfast sandwich, while Ginny and Cassidy stayed behind. Cassidy was obsessing over Ginny’s new sweatshirt, a hoodie designed to look like a character from Invader Zim. I saw the sweatshirt and said, "Oh, that’s like the sweatshirt that Beth told me she wanted," nonchalantly, knowing no one heard me, and the only people who did didn’t even know Beth.
Beth is a friend of mine that I’ve been getting kinda-sorta close to after doing a few assignments together in my Child Care class and spending time together when Yuuki, Cassidy, her, and I went out to a fancy Italian restaurant for Cassidy’s sixteenth birthday. I like Beth because she’s fairly mature, and she gives good advice. She’s always doodling in her notebooks with paint all over her hands and arms, and is usually quiet, but she knows how to handle things the right way. She kind of reminds me of Snow White. I'm not sure why. She doesn’t even have short black hair, and she doesn’t sing to animals. Well, not that I know of. And to contradict the Snow White thing even more, there’s a side of her that’s kind of a badass; a sort of fearless side that doesn't have time for bullshit. Her parents told her she wasn’t allowed to get her belly button pierced, so she took an earring and did it herself. I would never have the guts to do something like that! I ignore my parents all the time, but there’s just something scary about doing something they would never allow, that they might find out about. That’s what shocked me about Beth at first. You would never know it just by looking at her, but it’s there, just a little bit of anger or sadness or angst or something glowing just inside of her and you see it when you get to know her better. I guess a lot of people could be like that.
Talk about getting off topic, huh? Let’s take a leisurely stroll back to this morning, shall we? (Not that I even want to) Well, Cassidy asked a very bored, annoyed-looking Ginny where she got the sweatshirt and was immediately met with a snippy, "Where do you think?" Cassidy didn’t even pick up on the bitchiness and simply nodded and said, "Hot Topic." Then, Cassidy and Yuuki got up to go to homeroom. Before Cassidy was even out of the room, Ginny says, "I’m really sick of Cassidy copying everything I do!" I had to check a few times to make sure she was Ginny, not Leslie. It was such a Leslie thing to say, but then again, Ginny practically worships her. I was silent. Jordan’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief and with a surprised chuckle he said, "Did I miss something?" Ginny ignored him and continued complaining to Alexandria and I. Jordan kept trying to understand who and what Ginny was talking about. He turned to me and asked that same question. "Did I miss something?" I simply shrugged, but I wanted to say, "Yeah, you’ve been missing it all along. This is the girl you like to be around so much. Isn’t she a bitch?" But, I didn’t say that. I tuned back into Ginny’s whiny, lisped voice saying, "I don’t even know what to do about it." I grabbed my garbage and said monotonously, "Burn down her house." Jordan laughed at my outlandish response and I got up to leave with Alexandria. I was off to gym class after homeroom, which coincidentally, I had with Cassidy.
I couldn’t wait to tell her.
So, I came into the locker room after telling David about the weird dream I had the night before about the world ending to hear Yuuki telling Cassidy and a few other friends about something hilariously offensive I'd said about Ginny before schook this morning. I heard them all laugh and smiled to myself, waving as I walked by them, on my way to my gym locker that I rarely even used. I didn't even remember the combination... The story had been brought up because Cassidy was already angry at Ginny for buying that damn sweatshirt when she doesn’t even watch Invader Zim. (The whole situation is incredibly stupid) So, I pulled Cassidy aside and told her exactly what had happened after she left. I felt petty and gossipy, but it felt good. Cassidy was furious, and so was just about every other girl in my gym class. It made me feel powerful, smug and somewhat evil to hear all of those girls trash-talking Ginny all because I had been a little fire-starter and set something aflame inside of them, the dislike that everyone feels for her because of her hypocritical ways.
It was weird, turning so many people against someone. I liked it though. They were on Cassidy’s side. They were on my side. No one is rooting for her and Jordan to get together. Except maybe for Jordan.
But even if it’s the last thing I do, I am determined to change that. I am sick of stepping aside and watching Ginny pull Jordan away from me.
People like her and Leslie have taught me only a few things in my life, such as not to trust anyone. But another valuable lesson I’ve learned from them is that sometimes you have to knock other people down to come out on top. Fueled by anger and determination, that is exactly what I intend to do.
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