Maybe On The Other Side The Grass Might Be Greener...

During the summer, the days seem very long and boring. Sometimes it seems that all I ever do these days is play my guitar, blog, go on Facebook, water flowers, read, sleep, go to the grocery store. It's all very boring. And for a season that everyone loves, summer hasn't even been looking that nice lately. I can't really remember the last time I saw a blue sky... They're always white or gray anymore... I really want it be to autumn. But, not this coming autumn. I'd like to go back to last autumn, when I had more reasons to have a smile on my face than I do now. Or maybe I wasn't any happier then. Maybe I was always this miserable.

I started this post on a Monday, and today is a Tuesday. Yesterday's song of the day was "Chelsea Smile" by Bring Me The Horizon. Today's song is "All I Want" by A Day To Remember. "All I Want" is the kind of song that I can never pass when my iPod is on shuffle, even if I'm not in a bad mood. The song is very intense and fast, the kind of song you listen to when you want to block out the world around you. I really wish I could do that right now, but my headphones are broken. And of course, I can't afford a new pair.

The one thing I probably talk about the most is my whole situation, if you can call it that, with Light. But he is constantly on my mind. I mean, I think about other things, but he's always in the back of my mind, and I can see him there. He smiles to himself as he slowly takes over my mind and turns me into a miserable trainwreck of a teenage girl. But outside the barriers of my mind, and inside of his, I do not exist. Being invisible is a horrible feeling. I know I should be used to it, but it's always the same. The only thing I try to hide from in life is reality. But it always finds me. It seeps into my mind, the perfect hiding place. It pulls on the corners of my mouth until it turns my smile into a frown. But, it doesn't leave. At least, it hasn't left since it found me again.

But, to put it simply, reality shouldn't suck so much, really. So, why does it?