Grey & Light

I promised to tell these stories, and here they are.

It was my first year of marching band, my first year of high school. Eighth grade. I was thirteen and rapidly falling for a seventeen year old who had a girlfriend. His name was Grey. 

In my warped little preteen mind, Grey was the closest thing to perfect I had ever seen. He had long brown hair, a disarming smile, a charming attitude, and soft brown eyes. He played tuba in the marching band, and he played guitar. He also played the bagpipes, which I thought was just the best damn thing ever. Maybe because it made him different. Or maybe because he managed to look good in a plaid skirt. But I later found out that Grey was no different than any other guy. His attitude toward me showed obviously no interest, but that I was too young, and not good enough for him. Near the end of my freshman year, I found out that he had cheated on his girlfriend with a girl who was my age. Though he no longer meant anything to me, knowing this still kind of hurt me. Because I wasn't good enough, but somehow, she was.

I was obsessed with Grey for almost a year. I hoped to see him everywhere I went, and when I did see him, I was thrilled. He inspired poetry in my old notebook, he put smiles on my face, but only a few. But, he also made me incredibly upset. I was completely depressed. I can see it in the words I wrote about him, so deep, so laced with my hopes, my dreams for him to turn that permanent frown he put on my face into a big smile. But, he never did, of course.

Then, one day while I was eating lunch, I saw a guy at a lunch table not far from mine. He looked vaguely familar, and completely out of place at the table he sat at. I realized that I recognized him because a friend of mine used to go out with him. I found myself oddly attracted to him. This led to my obsession with Grey slowly disappearing. I have to admit, when I saw Grey, at dances with his girlfriend, at football games, my heart still ached with that unrequited love he put there, but that pain soon disappeared.

I have to thank the guy at his lunch table, completely unaware that I was watching him, for that. For the rest of the year, I continued watching him in silence, with eyes that begged him to look my way. He did, but he looked straight through me.

His name is Light.

"Free Hugs." These were the words scrawled across his black t-shirt in big, white, lettering. Some people would say that wearing a "Free Hugs" shirt is creepy. I would've said that same thing, but this was different. As soon as I saw that shirt, I saw an opportunity. After school that day, that opportunity presented itself in the front lobby. I took that opportunity, and threw my arms around him. It was just a hug. I didn't know what I was getting myself into at the time. I didn't see the four songs in my black and white notebook. I didn't see myself laying on my bed, writing them, him being the only thing on my mind. You can't predict falling for someone.

Let's call him Light. It's corny, but he lit the way out of the dark place that I found myself in when I was obsessed with Grey. (And I'm a Death Note fan, so.) It's amazing how falling for someone else can help you out in trying to get over someone. But then, I found myself stuck in the same situation, and that situation is called unrequited love. But, I'd rather not think about that. 

Light... He has brown hair, but he has it dyed black. He has the nicest eyes, but I never really paid much attention to the color of them. Brown, maybe? Every time those eyes met mine, I had a tendency to look away. What was I trying to hide anyway? Sometimes I felt like he knew, like I made it too obvious. But I thought that if he knew, he would just sweep me off of my feet. Just like in the movies. Well, that's not the way it ended up, anyway. He knows now, I'm sure of it. Does he care? I don't think I'll ever know. A few weeks ago, I sat in a cold folding chair playing "Pomp & Circumstance" as he walked across the field, and straight out of my life. For good. I found him after the ceremony. Once more, I found myself in the opportunity I found myself in while I stood in that lobby. I found one of my arms wrapped around him, the other holding a few music stands. I said "congratulations." He smiled said "thank you." That was it. Will I ever see him again? Walk down a hallway and realize he is walking beside me, and completely freak out inside? What if I forget the way his eyes looked when he met my gaze in a crowded room? But how could I forget that?

Last night, I dreamt of him. Ever since summer vacation began, I have been getting a lot of sleep, and a lot of dreams. Most of my dreams are about him. In my last one, I was talking to him about how my friend had spent twenty-five dollars on a pair of socks. It didn't make any sense at all, but just seeing him, even if it is only a dream, leaves me waking up with a smile on my face.... But then I realize, dreams are only dreams. Nothing more than a thought, only happening inside of my mind.

To me, Light is so many things. But the strangest thing he is to me is my dream catcher.

Light is just a boy running through a field at twilight. I'm just a firefly he's caught in a jelly jar. Now, I can only watch him from the other side of the glass. I'm thanking my lucky stars that he poked holes in the lid, because he is taking my breath away.