How To Fall Out Of Love

I never would have thought it would be so easy to let go of Jordan. It’s almost unbelievable!

Today is a Wednesday. Wednesdays are lovely. But this one wasn't perfect.

I had a weak point this morning.

I was playing my guitar when I saw him looking at me. I looked away quickly, bit down on my bottom lip, and my mind began to race. Please don’t look at me. Please don’t make this hard.

I started singing a song under my breath, "Harder Than You Know" by Escape The Fate.

Baby, don’t talk to me, I’m trying to let you go. Not loving you is harder than you know.

I looked up a guitar tab for it, and gave up before trying. Too difficult for a scrambled brain to figure out. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to play it at that moment. I slid my capo into place and started playing a song called "How To Fall Out Of Love." It was a song I wrote only a few days earlier.

It was about letting him go.

He stood beside me and listened to me sing and play. My voice trailed off and got quieter. Cassidy told me to sing louder, but how could I? I didn’t want him to hear it! I was faced with a decision: listen to myself or listen to Cassidy?

I chose the latter and kept playing.

I’ll never know what he thought. Probably nothing. I overanalyze everything.

Throughout the day, we talked like friends. Maybe that’s what we’ve been doing for months, but I chose not to notice. But one thing that happened really stood out to me. Kind of seems unimportant, but for some reason, it doesn't feel that way.

I touched him.

I always avoided physical contact with him. Always. Today I played with the hood on his sweatshirt, touched his hair, touched his arm when I talked to him, all things I never would’ve done before. Weird. Aren’t those the things that most girls do when they like someone? I guess it’s the other way around for me.

As I put my guitar away, he handed me the light purple pick I had let him use. Our fingers touched. Electricity. I cringed. No. Go away, stupid sparks that aren’t actually flying.

So, I had a weak point. But I strengthened throughout the day. I moved him back onto the back burner and kept living my life.