The Secret

I think she knows now. I think my sister knows my secret.

I had been listening to a song that reminded me of him. "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift. She could've written that song about him.

She said, "What's with you and that song?"

"Nothing. I like it."

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

Yes.

"Uh...no. Why would you think that?"

"How did you get over Jordan so fast?"

She is very interested. She won't stop until she pries it from my mind. I know this.

"He's an idiot." This is true.

"Getting over someone is easier when you like someone else."

"What about Light?"

"That wasn't easy!" This is true as well.

"Uh… yes, it was…" This is a lie.

She's been interrogating me since that coversation. That was a few hours ago, and I think she knows now.

She was right. Letting go of Jordan was a lot easier than I expected, because I might have been thinking about someone else.

He fascinates me. He's sort of amazing, possibly my hero.

We have a lot in common. The same sense of humor. The same taste in music. The same opinions on just about anything.

He’s the type of boy that if I went out with him, other girls (and their moms) would look down their noses at me. He comes off as kind of reckless, a little shiftless, but he’s more careful than you would think. A lot of people think he’s rude, but I think he's honest. He’s funny but not in an obnoxious "I will act as ridiculous as possible just so people think I'm funny" way. He plays football, but he’s also into art and things that most football players write off as "faggy." He never really settles down in a relationship, always calling it quits before things get too serious.

As time passed, we talked more and more, transforming from mere acquaintances to two people who talk to each other on a regular basis and make each other laugh. Maybe even friends. There was a time when I started thinking everything he said was interesting or funny. There was time when I looked forward to seeing him. There was a time when I was confused about how I felt about him. There was a time when I noticed his eyes were light green, and noticed all of these other things about him that suddenly seemed appealing. Leather jackets, plaid flannels, chain necklaces, and Converse in a lot of different colors. Hair that's a cross between red and blonde, and pretty curly so he keeps it cropped short. A smile wicked enough to make my face flush just glancing at him.

We share desserts with each other. We listen to music together. We build bridges together. It feels kind of right.

It's weird, but here I am.

I'm sitting here, hesitantly writing about how I can't help but wonder what it would be like if Floyd was my boyfriend.