I walk into the school. For a second, I think the door is locked so I yank on it, hard. It flies open fast and collides with my head. I laugh like an idiot. A girl I know stares at me. She’s not smiling like I am. Why? To be polite, I say hello. I pull open the door to the cafeteria, only a few feet away from the door I had just so haphazardly entered. Yuuki follows me. She laughs with me. She sees the humor.
We sit down at our usual table. The other seats soon fill up with people. Friends, acquaintances, and some girl with blonde and blue hair who I don’t know. A friend of Violet’s, I guess. I listen to them talk about roller-skating. Alexandria comes in, a sweated mess yet still somehow put together with her curled hair and perfectly done eyeliner. She is complaining about her walk to school, as usual. She should really stop smoking. Cassidy comes in and talks about her new boyfriend. I smile but feel a stab of envy in the back of my mind. I wonder why I can’t walk into school one day, excited, smiling like an idiot, totally in love with my brand spankin’-new boyfriend. But, I’m still happy for her, because she’s my friend.
Then, his huge black binder slams down on the table and he drops his things by the seat beside me. Always the seat beside me. Maybe because I make it that way, but I’d like to think otherwise. Jordan. Then, he is off running, always on a mission. The times when he is stopped, when he is sitting still, almost seem rushed. He buys a chocolate chip muffin. I buy a cinnamon roll, like I do every morning. We sit down and eat. He talks to me about his weekend and I listen. We share his muffin. It’s delicious. Cassidy is now talking about her weekend and says something that makes us all laugh.
I love to hear him laugh. He laughs like a complete dork.
I watch him as he talks. Does he notice?
I noticed something about the way I feel about him. When I see him, I don’t go insane inside. My heart doesn’t beat fast, my thoughts don’t scatter. Sometimes, I feel my stomach do a little flip-flop when I realize that it’s merely minutes until I get to see him, to be near him, to talk to him. I’m not nervous. I’m comfortable. Is this a good thing? It feels like one.
As he leaves in that fast, dramatic, awkward way of his, I watch him go. I smile, because all I can think is You’re amazing in the weirdest way. I want you to like me. Do you like me? Do you like me the way I like you?
I walk through the rest of the morning, dazed, tired and deep in thought. The Chemistry teacher calls on me and I’m clueless with an empty worksheet. In Drawing, my mind pauses for only a few minutes to focus only on my sketch and the calm music playing softly in my ears. Next, Geometry and History. Time to hit play again. I eat lunch with David, and we talk and talk and talk. We talk about weird stuff and laugh. After these past few months, I would say with no doubts that David is one of my best friends. I spend most of every day with him. His sarcastic comments and mean and perverted gay-guy attitude amuse me to no end. I really like that David spends so much time with me, because I hope it teaches him to be kinder and more open-minded. Not very often does David say anything nice about someone, and I’m constantly sticking up for people around him. But, nonetheless, I love him all the same.
The day flies by. I listen to Asking Alexandria in French. It’s been a while since I listened to Asking Alexandria. I don’t pay attention in English, though I usually do. And before I know it, the end of the day has arrived and I am outside sitting on a bench next to Jordan. He talks about rolling down a hill and crashing into a generator in gym class and I try not to laugh, though I do feel bad for him. I caress his head when he shows me where he hurt it and a lump was forming beneath his hair. I wonder if he feels the love in my touch. We talk about random things as we usually do until his bus shows up. He walks away and climbs aboard the huge yellow vehicle as the doors hiss open. I smile, remembering when he had compared the newer buses to trains. I said they looked like submarines. He had said, "Now I know what the Beatles were talking about!" We laughed. I love that laugh.
I go to band practice and laugh with all of my bandgeek friends until tears are in my eyes, and I fear my makeup has started to run. Then, I go home, ignore my never-ending doom of homework and work on this blog post.
Today's song of the day is "I Am The Highway" by Audioslave. You may have heard it on the radio before, because I know I have. My dad gave my an Audioslave CD today to put into my iTunes library because he knew I would like it. He told me to listen to "I Am The Highway" because it was his favorite by them. I listened to it. I'm still listening to it. Have you ever heard a song and it just struck a chord (no pun intended) deep inside of you? This song is so beautiful, like the song is straight from the writer's heart, and the music emphasizes that. The song just really gets to know, you know? You just can' listen to something else for a while after listening to "I Am The Highway."
Today has been a typical warm November day. November 14, 2011, to be exact. A day walking around school, going through the motions, on a mission, plowing through the heaps of snow that are my life in my sister’s black combat boots.
A day so typical that I
just wanted to write about it.
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