It's The Little Things That Kill

Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday. Everyone hates Mondays. Me too. I got a 60% on a History quiz. I went from a perfect straight A student to a girl who isn’t even surprised when she gets a failing grade. How? I just stopped caring when I had to start trying, I guess. I mean, I know school is important, but I hate using my mind to store useless knowledge. I would rather use my imagination.

One good thing? Leslie wrote my sister a letter, completely out of the blue, telling her how she never really apologized for what she did, and she had been really thinking about last year lately and how much she wanted to be friends again. I read it, and I felt all of the ice that I had put up around my heart to keep her out melt away. Bad idea? Let’s hope not. I think I’m going to forget about my grudge and forgive her. Just the fact that her friendship with Abby and I means so much to her made me realize that maybe holding a grudge is just not the right idea.

But I can’t guarantee letting the whole envy thing go. Either I change or that doesn’t. And I can assure that I’ll never be able to change myself to be anything like her. I may forgive her, but one little part of me will always despise her for her perfection, something I can never quite get right.

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. I am indifferent about Tuesdays. I spent half of this Tuesday walking on sunshine on a rainy day, the other half I spent wallowing in worry. My happiness was random, most likely powered by upbeat music and the sugary yogurt I had at lunch. The worry? Let’s call her Ginny.

Ginny is a friend of mine. She’s also a friend of Jordan’s.

I think he might like her. It’s a possibility.

But isn’t everything a possibility?

As the song says, it’s the little things that kill. And that’s what it is, the little things. Every time they talk, every time he meets her at her locker at the end of the day (which he’s never done for me), every time he smiles around her, every time he asks where she is, every time she hugs him,
it
kills
me.
I’ve never hugged him. I want to though. I want to know what it’s like to hug him.

Everyone tells me that Jordan and I would make an adorable couple. Well, we would, actually. Ginny and Jordan would probably make a cute couple too, though. Even their names sound good together. Even their made-up names for this blog sound good together. I should stop overreacting. She has a boyfriend, and I don’t even think he knows her name.

It may be those little things that kill, but there are other little things that bring me back to life. Maybe those are the little things I should focus on for once.