Today's song of the day is "Bewitched" by Blood On The Dancefloor. Did I already use that one? Oh, well. There is more reasoning behind it today. The song is about being caught under someone's spell. And it's putting you through hell. I listened to it and I realized that I could relate to it.
Light is just a guy. I know next to nothing about him. Yet I care. I care so much. It's like he has me under a spell. He's enchanting. He's tempting. He leaves me absolutely speechless. But as said by Jayy Van Monroe in the song, I am living in hell. He does not care about me. I'm led to believe, according to lovely Facebook, that he has another girlfriend. He thinks I'm creepy or something. He is shallow. My heart breaks over and over again. I cry over him. But, why? I don't exactly know him well enough to have so many emotions about him. But the thing is, I do. I wish I could just forget about him. I wish I cared about him as much as he cares about me. Not at all. I wish I could move on. I wish I could hate him, like I hate Grey. Why is that so hard for me though?
Okay, enough about Light. I talk about him too much.
I just found myself at a loss for words. Is he really all I can talk about? Maybe Yuuki is right. I am pathetic.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
It Sucks To Be Right.
I haven't posted in a long time... well, at least I think it was a long time. The days pass too slowly in the summer. Not that I have any readers who are waiting for new posts. Anyway, today's song of the day is "Wait For Tomorrow" by Blessthefall. It would've been something happier, if my mood didn't change abruptly a little while ago. Now, a few days ago, I built up enough courage to send Light a quick message on Facebook. We talked about music, and Warped Tour, and the kind of things I talk about with everyone. When I had to go, I asked if we could talk again sometime, and he said "Sure, anytime." You must be wondering why I'm upset right now if I actually talked to Light, but that was about five days ago. Something could happen in five days. Or five minutes. I messaged him tonight, only to be ignored. Was I surprised? No. I tell everyone that I know he doesn't care about me, and they tell me that I could be wrong. But I know I'm right. I mean, maybe I'll check my Facebook tomorrow to find a message from him in my inbox, answering me. But, I highly doubt that. I may not be right very often, but I'm right about this. Over the weekend, I was on a camping trip with Yuuki and a friend. Let's call her Nicole. Thrilled she had cell phone reception sitting on a mountain, Nicole texted a guy she was interested in. Then, he asked her out. How does that sort of thing happen? How is it so easy? I spend every minute of every day wishing upon times on the clock, stars in the sky that Light can be mine, that he could make my happy like I want him to. But for others, it's just so easy. Why? What am I doing wrong? What is Light doing so right that is making me fall so hard for him? This is torture....
For Me, For You, The Fallen
Today, I have two songs of the day. One is "Bewitched" by Blood On The Dancefloor. The other is "All It Takes For Your Dreams To Come True" by A Skylit Drive.
On days like today, I am very thankful for my father. With a pounding headache, I sat down at the kitchen table with my dad. Yuuki was upstairs in the bathroom. Currently steaming with anger, remembering I couldn't go to Warped Tour this year, I turned to him and started ranting, out of the blue. I told him every reason why I'm so upset, from being broke, to the reasons I'm mad at my friends, even to being so torn up and depressed over Light. He didn't tell me to stop complaining, like Yuuki or Mom would do. He didn't ignore me, like Symphony and Alexandria would do. He just... listened. And that's all I need. I just need someone to listen to me for a change. I've just about run out of hope that God is listening, so it's nice to know that someone still listens. Though I found myself close to tears many times after we talked, as I thought all of my hopeless thoughts, I felt a little happiness in the fact that he had listened to me. I am thankful for that.
On Friday night, I slept over at a friend's house. Let's call her Cassidy. Cassidy is one of my only friends that I'm not currently angry with. The whole time, we just talked, watched YouTube videos, played Xbox 360, watched movies, ate, and listened to music. It was fun. It's nice eating dinner at a friend's house, especially if you have steak.
^Random.
On days like today, I am very thankful for my father. With a pounding headache, I sat down at the kitchen table with my dad. Yuuki was upstairs in the bathroom. Currently steaming with anger, remembering I couldn't go to Warped Tour this year, I turned to him and started ranting, out of the blue. I told him every reason why I'm so upset, from being broke, to the reasons I'm mad at my friends, even to being so torn up and depressed over Light. He didn't tell me to stop complaining, like Yuuki or Mom would do. He didn't ignore me, like Symphony and Alexandria would do. He just... listened. And that's all I need. I just need someone to listen to me for a change. I've just about run out of hope that God is listening, so it's nice to know that someone still listens. Though I found myself close to tears many times after we talked, as I thought all of my hopeless thoughts, I felt a little happiness in the fact that he had listened to me. I am thankful for that.
On Friday night, I slept over at a friend's house. Let's call her Cassidy. Cassidy is one of my only friends that I'm not currently angry with. The whole time, we just talked, watched YouTube videos, played Xbox 360, watched movies, ate, and listened to music. It was fun. It's nice eating dinner at a friend's house, especially if you have steak.
^Random.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Carefully We're Placed For Our Destiny
Today's song of the day is "I Wouldn't Mind" by He Is We. It's a lovely song. I love to play it.
Yesterday was Independence Day. So, happy late birthday to a lovely country. Well, sort of. A country Obama is ruining, if you ask me. But, I didn't make a blog to discuss politics, did I? So, yesterday my family had a picnic. It sounds a little lame, but family picnics may be boring, but they give me a nice, warm feeling. I find it somehow difficult to explain the feeling, but it's a feeling of being loved. The feeling of having a family.
In my mind, people are distinguished (wrong spelling, maybe..?) by details. Not really people I'm very, very close to, but just people. Like relatives. Friends of the family. People in school. Teachers. I have two grandmothers, but I have no grandfathers. I actually have one great-grandfather is about 101 years old right now. He lives in Virginia, so I've only actually met him twice in my lifetime. Anyway, my two grandmothers are very different. I call one of them Grandma, and the other Nana. The details in my mind that are Grandma are the color blue, her pool, cats, the ocean, Delaware, Value City, clothing, white hair, a happy attitude. The details in my mind that are Nana are chocolate chip cookies, her house which I visit every day, flowers, wind chimes, shopping, family dinners, and church. They are both great at being grandmothers, though they are different. This is what I mean by details. The details are just simple things that come to mind, that I will probably end up remembering instead of important things.
At the picnic, the daughter of Grandma's neighbors and her cousin came to swim in the pool. It's strange how we have friends that we are only reunited with only a few times a year. They are both around twelve, and it was refreshing to be around people of that age, even though twelve year olds usually annoy the hell out of me. They weren't like my friends, who I'm currently upset with right now. They just wanted to have some fun, which I appreciate them for. It brought back a lot of memories playing house in the pool with them. Yes, you heard me. We were playing house. I don't mind though, because it just feels nice to act like a kid again. :)
On rare occurances, I think about my future. Where will I be in five years? Ten years? Fifteen? What do I want to do with my life? To be honest, I have no idea. Sometimes, I feel like I want to be a famous singer/songwriter, but what are the chances of a girl who lives in a small town and who's only okay at singing actually making it? I'm not Taylor Swift, okay? I also would love to be a writer. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a designer, or to intern at a magazine, or work at a record company... But I don't even know where I want to go to college! I have nothing in my future planned! Is that okay? I hope so...
Yesterday was Independence Day. So, happy late birthday to a lovely country. Well, sort of. A country Obama is ruining, if you ask me. But, I didn't make a blog to discuss politics, did I? So, yesterday my family had a picnic. It sounds a little lame, but family picnics may be boring, but they give me a nice, warm feeling. I find it somehow difficult to explain the feeling, but it's a feeling of being loved. The feeling of having a family.
In my mind, people are distinguished (wrong spelling, maybe..?) by details. Not really people I'm very, very close to, but just people. Like relatives. Friends of the family. People in school. Teachers. I have two grandmothers, but I have no grandfathers. I actually have one great-grandfather is about 101 years old right now. He lives in Virginia, so I've only actually met him twice in my lifetime. Anyway, my two grandmothers are very different. I call one of them Grandma, and the other Nana. The details in my mind that are Grandma are the color blue, her pool, cats, the ocean, Delaware, Value City, clothing, white hair, a happy attitude. The details in my mind that are Nana are chocolate chip cookies, her house which I visit every day, flowers, wind chimes, shopping, family dinners, and church. They are both great at being grandmothers, though they are different. This is what I mean by details. The details are just simple things that come to mind, that I will probably end up remembering instead of important things.
At the picnic, the daughter of Grandma's neighbors and her cousin came to swim in the pool. It's strange how we have friends that we are only reunited with only a few times a year. They are both around twelve, and it was refreshing to be around people of that age, even though twelve year olds usually annoy the hell out of me. They weren't like my friends, who I'm currently upset with right now. They just wanted to have some fun, which I appreciate them for. It brought back a lot of memories playing house in the pool with them. Yes, you heard me. We were playing house. I don't mind though, because it just feels nice to act like a kid again. :)
On rare occurances, I think about my future. Where will I be in five years? Ten years? Fifteen? What do I want to do with my life? To be honest, I have no idea. Sometimes, I feel like I want to be a famous singer/songwriter, but what are the chances of a girl who lives in a small town and who's only okay at singing actually making it? I'm not Taylor Swift, okay? I also would love to be a writer. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a designer, or to intern at a magazine, or work at a record company... But I don't even know where I want to go to college! I have nothing in my future planned! Is that okay? I hope so...
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