The Damnedest Things

We all say things we don't mean.

Vicious words, crawling out of your mouth with the intention to hurt someone. And all you can do is watch them escape in astonishment. How did you let them slip by your common sense, who usually guards your mouth so closely that you end up never saying what's on your mind?

Sometimes, common sense takes a coffee break. No one wants sleepy, sluggish common sense. People in their right minds want their common sense to be wired, wide-eyed, vigilant.

So while common sense runs down to Starbucks for overpriced coffee and possibly a cookie if it isn't in the mood to diet, it leaves you unattended.

That can be dangerous.

I've never understood the phrase, "Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt you." Who even made up something so futile, and why do people choose to believe that?

Words can be painful. I consider my sharp tongue one of my deadliest weapons, a dormant creature that rested behind my teeth, sometimes trying to rear its ugly head but being suppressed by that common sense. And every once in a while, when my feelings are in danger of becoming wounded, I sharpen that tongue and take it for a spin, always a little stunned by the results.

A slap to the skull, shock, confusion, oblivion, a look of astonished hurt, a sharp-edged insult fired back to hit me right where it hurts.

I call my sister self-centered. I say I hate my grandmother. I drop snide comments to my parents on a regular basis, until I unintentionally hit a nerve, then I recoil. I pointedly disagree with things David says just so he realizes that my goal in life is not to please him. I start spur-of-the-moment arguments with Symphony out of boredom and irritation with her tendency to be a thousand miles away when all I want to do is talk. I say that I wish Floyd would get hit by a train. I say that God doesn't care about me.

I say the damnedest things sometimes.

Common sense had best grab me a mocha cappuccino or something while it's at it, because this has been one long coffee break.